I forgot how nice it is to be flirted with. 

I’ll be the first to admit, I am a huge flirt. I flirt with everyone. Not in a annoying/scandalous way or anything (at least I don’t think) but just a fun and carefree way. I do it with most my guy friends but there is a mutual agreement that it is just for fun.

However, today, I was walking to the bus stop and a stranger matched my stride. I had noticed him as he hopped out of a car. He was handsome in a outdoorsy way (longer hair, simple style). I was in a bit of a rush to catch the bus and get out of the rain but he was headed in the same direction, presumably to the same bus.

We walked in sync for maybe 5 seconds before he turned and said, “Hey,” 

I replied “Hello,” with a small laugh and he asked how my day was going. We hit all the small talk topics relevant to a college town: what’s your major, what year are you, etc. We continued our discussion to the bus stop and then onto the bus. 

He had the most beautiful eyes I have seen in a long time, but I kept that to myself. We didn’t exchange numbers, or even names. Regardless is was just nice to be paid attention to.

Because I struggle with self and body-image I don’t always feel desirable to guys. So it is nice when simple things like nice strangers flirting with you on the bus happen. It reminds me that I am a beautiful woman. That the number I see on a scale does not define me and even though I have gained weight, I am still good enough.

So thank you stranger. Thank you for reminding me that I am good enough.

Strike that. It was a good day.

I have been pretty stressed out these last few days with school and work and projects and finals, etc… And for a bit there I turned to food for comfort from the stress I was feeling.

It is amazing to me how in tune with my body I am these days. Before therapy I don’t think I would have been able to say I use food for comfort. The day I learned that I get a euphoric feeling while I eat was one of the most important days in my life. I am (more) aware of when I am actually hungry, when I have eaten enough and am satisfied, when I am eating for the good feeling I get while I actually consume the food, but also I am aware that feeling won’t last.

I am still working through a lot and do still have binges but I have accepted that this is a process and I will get through it. Yes, I hit roadblocks, but I am so far from where I began. I also see those roadblocks as individual lessons I can take on and learn more about myself and I believe I have been.

I ate when I was hungry today and stopped when I felt satisfied. I had a big ol’ salad for lunch and a giant pile of vegetables for dinner with a small portion of red potatoes. 1week1goal started off very strong and very delicious! I still have one more meal I might fit in before bed if I am hungry but as of right now I am good.

I wish I had a camera on my phone (I am in the process of transistioning phones) so I could document my days better. I feel like a blog of just words or just photos everyone reblogs gets boring and I don’t want that. Hopefully soon I will be able to be more personal with everyone.

Today definitely gets 4 gold stars!

Long-term goals:

• Lose fat (About 15 pounds)
• Gain visible muscle (AKA Get Stronger)
• Eat a whole food diet whilst enjoying myself
• Be comfortable with myself

Monthly goals:

• Lose 2-3 pounds (fat)
• Workout (At least) 16 times
• Try one new recipe
• Check progress (pictures, measurements, weight, PR’s)

Weekly goals:

• Cardio 4-5 times a week
• Weight Training 2-3 times a week
• Stretch 4-5 times a week

Daily goals:

• Be positive to myself
• Check in with myself
• Drink water
• Sweat
• Journal (Workout log, food log <—to be aware of what I am consuming, and daily reflection)

I will be taking some before pictures/measurements/weight in the next few days.

I will be leaner and stronger (both physically and mentally) by September 1, 2012 through these daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I am committing to myself to dedicate time and effort into recovering from BED, establishing a normal eating pattern, not turning to food for comfort, getting regular exercise, and pushing myself for the next 3 months and the rest of my life. I am committing to a lifestyle overhaul starting right now: May 20, 2012.